These 4 Qualities Make My Co-Founder Relationship Successful
Your co-founders can make or break your company. Over the years I made some mistakes in choosing co-founders and it ended up costing me a lot of money and in one case the failure of the business itself. In this article, I will share the qualities of successful co-founders from my own experiences and how they can help you build your startup into something great!
I have built four companies and worked with seven different people as co-founders. They say finding the right co-founder is like dating and this is absolutely true. The relationship you have with your co-founder ultimately ends up being very similar to a marriage. Things kickoff and always starts out exciting — people coming together with an idea that can make them a lot of money. I mean who wouldn’t be excited about that? However, every business has its road bumps and inevitably the strength of your co-founder relationship will be tested. Similar to marriage divorce rates, co-founder divorce rates are as high as 50%. It’s sad to see businesses with a lot of potential or traction fail because of the co-founder relationship not working out.
One of my current co-founders, Josh Feinberg, and I have known each other since high school (over 20 years now) and been business partners for six years. Despite being close friends, the dynamics of a co-founder partnership are different — there is a lot at stake and big decisions need to be made together. The balance of control, roles, and execution were some challenges we had to overcome together. We brought in a third co-founder, Frank Rogers, two years ago after Josh and I started our second company together, Otso. Frank’s presence brought a new dynamic forcing us to balance the established momentum between Josh and me with the new energy Frank brings to our team. The following are qualities that are essential to our successful working relationship together.
Skill Sets
The first quality that I look for in a co-founder is someone who complements my skill set. They need to know what you don’t know because the only way you will ever succeed as co-founders is if you bring different skills and knowledge sets to the table. I made this mistake in my first company when I partnered with someone who had almost an identical skill set and experience to mine. This was both our first business and there was just too much we didn’t know that we didn’t know.
Josh, Frank, and I bring very diverse skillsets to the table — Josh and I are both visionary people, but he is the industry expert with a mind that works a million times a minute and can craft solutions on the whim. He also is an expert negotiator who loves the art of a deal (and is damn good at it). On the contrary, I’d prefer to just execute within the business itself (especially sales/marketing), build the team, and grow relationships for us. I know I have a very strong presence on large stages/rooms and I love making connections and networking. Frank has experience in running and selling multiple companies so he contributes his expertise in finance, technology, and business processes. Frank filled in a critical gap between Josh and me being the one to slow us down when needed and the strongest at attention to detail. At the end of the day, what’s important is that each one of us is not only working on the things we are good at but also things we love and have fun doing.
Values
Another quality that co-founder relationships should possess is having shared values. Do you have the same outlook on what integrity means and how other people want to be treated? There are people out there who have a different definition of integrity. I’ve dealt with co-founders who heavily inflated the value they would contribute upfront, but brought little to nothing in actually executing what they said they would. I experienced another co-founder who straight-up lied about making an inappropriate comment he made despite multiple people who attested to hearing him. We now have a heavy vetting process around the ‘bullshit’ card for anyone we bring to our team. Did they really accomplish what they said they would or know the people they claim to know? If there’s one thing I’ve learned about life, especially through starting multiple companies, it’s how to sniff out bullshit from miles away. This is an extremely important skill to have!
Josh, Frank, and I have these shared values of integrity and bias to action: that we must always do what we say we’re going to do — no matter how big or small — so our partners never feel like they can’t trust us with anything important! We also share the value of selflessness — no matter the decision we take into account what is best for the company, our customers, or investors — sometimes albeit to a fault that others may disagree with. Ultimately, the biggest question we ask ourselves in regards to any decisions around values is “will I lose any sleep over this?” If this answer is yes, then we don’t do it.
Egos
We do not have any tolerance for egos or assholes, period. Of course, we all know every person has an ego that they battle, but what I am referring to is more about someone being self-centered, prioritizing themselves over the wellness of the team, or someone who refuses to admit or accept responsibility when they are wrong. One of the questions I ask myself about people I work with is “how would this person show up in a disagreement” or “how would this person react when they are confronted with constructive criticism?” Recently, I was meeting with a person who was interested to do work with my team. He showed a lot of passion and had a lot of experience to potentially provide value. However, I realized I stopped myself from making a critical suggestion to one of his ideas — his vibe was a bit too intense for me personally. Now, everybody is different and others may feel more comfortable around this person, but I knew that for MY team this dynamic wouldn’t work out. Openness and collaboration are key to creating the best ideas and you don’t want an environment where anybody is holding back ideas or criticism because of one person’s ego.
My co-founders and I have come up with some incredible out-of-the-box ideas because each of us feels seen by the others and trust there is no judgment or mockery no matter how crazy an idea may be. We each have accomplished our own professional successes through life but in no way does any of us leverage these as a pawn in disagreements or shiny objects to inflate our role on the team. Sometimes the best ideas are born when you feel comfortable exposing yourself, your fears, and your shortcomings to others who will accept them and help you grow out of them.
Vulnerability and Compassion
Vulnerability is not a comfortable place for many people, but it is integral to trust and respect in any relationship important to you. Let’s be real — the life of a startup founder is extremely high stakes and stressful. If one of us doesn’t feel comfortable raising his/her hand when he/she is struggling then it will grow into a bigger problem. We are all humans — we need breaks, personal relationship issues happen, family members, get sick, and the inevitable list of life challenges goes on. We are all going to be on our deathbeds one day and we know that how big we grew our business or how much money we make for ourselves won’t matter as much at that moment as the relationships we have with the people we love. Our compassion for each other as fellow humans is extremely important to our success as a team.
The co-founders I have around me today are not thinking “What can Marissa do for me?” Instead, they are each thinking “How can I help Marissa become a better person today?” We are truly committed to being the best versions of ourselves for our customers, partners, and each other. That’s what allows us to be vulnerable around each other. That’s how we get the best ideas. That’s how we win.
