An Entrepreneur’s Guide to Happiness
The colleague I was speaking with laughed as I told her “it’s important to me that every person on my team finds joy in the role they play.” She explained, “are you telling me you actually feel joy with work? It’s one thing to feel motivated and satisfied with work, but I’ve never equated it as high as an utmost feeling of joy.” I could see where she was coming from — the life of an entrepreneur is hard and most would not consider themselves feeling ‘joy’ until they reached their goals or sold their company. I used to think the same thing — entrepreneurs make a lot of sacrifices (financially, personally, in our relationships) thinking it will all be worth it in the end. As I reflected on that perspective, it dawned on me that if 95% of startups fail then where do those sacrifices go? Are they worth it? I’ve written before about how I manage my mental health but what I want to share in this article is how I’ve found joy in both my business and personal life.
Earlier this year, I realized that I personally tend to put my mindset in this mode of “suffering” which means doing fun stuff or feeling happy would internally surface feelings of guilt…because I’m supposed to be suffering until I get to my [enter goal here]. We live in a society of people that feel valuable when they say “I’m just swamped” or “I’ve been working until 2 AM every night this week and the weekends.” I’m not saying that you should never work hard or put in the effort to achieve your goals. I’m simply suggesting that you question how happy you are during the process. Because if you’re not happy in the process i.e. the present, then what’s the point?
Also here’s the thing, when you’ve sacrificed everything else in your life for your business and the business doesn’t work out then what do you have left? My last two grandparents died this year and one left me with the advice I will never forget. My grandfather told me, “whatever you are worried or stressed about today, it won’t matter when you are my age (85 years old).” There’s no better reminder to fight for happiness in life than when you experience death around you. Why waste your energy worrying about things that won’t matter when you die? I realized I needed to change my perspective and not live every day in fear worrying about what others may think of me or what could go wrong in life. I needed to take a step back and notice…notice what activities bring me joy and double down on whatever those are.
So how can you find joy as an entrepreneur? Here is what is working for me:
1) I’m sitting in the best role I can play for my company. I started out leading the company where I was responsible mostly for fundraising. Let me tell you that fundraising for survival, before product-market fit, SUCKS. I did it for years and although we were successful in surviving I was tired of selling a vision before a product was built and realized I wanted to shift to bringing the vision to life. I let my co-founder know I wasn’t happy in that role so we swapped (he was ready for a change as well) and our business is thriving now because we’re both in positions that bring us genuine joy. He loves working the deals (investment/sales) and more technical components of the business while I love marketing our brand, executing on our customer promise, and building the team. At least once a week we both catch ourselves saying “this is so fun” about the work we do in our business.
2) Daily gratitude and excitement. I start every day by writing down three things I’m grateful for and three things I’m excited about for that day. This helps me start each day with a mindset of the positive things which especially is important when I’m dealing with the numerous challenges and inevitable negative events in life that happen.
3) I added manifestations outside of my business. At one point, I realized all my manifestations evolved around business success. Although my business is a big part of my life, there are things that I want to accomplish in life beyond my business. For some of my manifestations, the success of my business is a stepping stone, but for others like empowering women around the world or producing music, I could be doing those simultaneously for my time dedicated to passion projects.
4) Passion projects. I found myself rather depressed last summer as we recently moved to a new town and then experienced a big loss in my family. I decided to try something very new and scary: I enrolled in singing lessons. After my first lesson, I had so much fun and that was ultimately a turning point in growing out of my depression. I realize I find joy in learning new things so sometimes it’s figuring out how to map my backyard electrical system with our pool, converting my office closet to a music studio, or learning how to be a DJ and blend music or even produce my own music. Leading a women’s movement in my industry is another big passion project of mine that brings me joy and excitement. I prioritize this time, especially my weekly singing lessons, even around my work schedule when possible because of the value it brings to my life.
5) Awareness of self. Self-awareness has been a big topic for me, especially in the last year. A lot of my own growth has come from becoming aware of the way I show up to others, accepting my emotions as they come and letting them run their course, and growing to discover my authentic self (very difficult because it’s letting go of what others think). As I grow in this journey, I find myself happier, more content, grateful, and more present in life.
6) Prioritizing my partner and relationships. Every week I write down what I would like to do to make it a great week through my business, friendships, family, and marriage. Before, the only category that existed was my business and I’m sad to say that it came to a point where even my own wife no longer felt seen by me and overshadowed by my business. Unfortunately, stories of broken marriages are too common in the entrepreneur world but I realized that prioritizing my business over everything meant I would eventually lose my marriage. My business is still a big part of my life, but my connection with my wife is the most important and I am proud to say the experience has brought us closer than ever before. Also, the weekly habit also helps me stay well connected with family and friends too.
One of the best things about being a founder is that you can create your own definition of success and happiness. You don’t have to fit into someone else’s mold. You can be creative and passionate about your work while also having a strong focus on your relationships and health. This creates a well-rounded life that leads to happiness. One of my favorite books is Tuesdays with Morrie where the author states, “Do the kinds of things that come from the heart. When you do, you won’t be dissatisfied, you won’t be envious, you won’t be longing for somebody else’s things. On the contrary, you’ll be overwhelmed with what comes back.” This is so true, and it has taken me a long time to learn this. When I am connected with my wife, co-founders, family, and friends from the heart, I am truly happy. In fact, I have found that when I am focused on others and not myself, my happiness grows exponentially.
